Eels - Man Up

His dark chocolaty voice rasps out these words in a way no other man could.
Thanks Eels.
-------

In my heart of hearts I know it well
Been giving myself the soft sell
Anyone can see that i've been running away
Not facing the day that's here

It's time to man up
I'm man enough
It's time to man up
I'm man enough
I'm man enough for you
It's time to man up

The phone is off, the blinds are down
Me and my heart are out of town
The sign is hammered up
Do not disturb
Don't say another word to me

It's time to man up
I'm man enough
I'm man enough for you
It's time to man up
I'm man enough
I'm man enough for you
It's time to man up

In my heart of hearts I know it well
I hit the ground hard when I fell
Not licking wounds but more like sewing them up
Man it was rough for me

But it's time to man up
I'm man enough
I'm man enough for you
It's time to man up
I'm man enough
I'm man enough for you
It's time to man up

My name. In a Christmas SONG.

Ding dong Merilee on high,
In heaven the bells are ringing:
Ding dong! verily the sky
Is riv'n with angel singing.
Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!

E'en so here below, below,
Let steeple bells be swungen,
And "Io, io, io!"
By priest and people sungen.
Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!

Pray you, dutifully prime
Your matin chime, ye ringers;
May you beautifully rime
Your evetime song, ye singers.
Gloria, Hosanna in excelsis!

My next boy.

Well, the look on the cake
It ain't always the taste
My ex-boy had
Such a beautiful face
I wanted love
But not for myself
But for the boy
So he could love himself

Oh my next boy
Will be nothing like my ex-boy
I made mistakes back then
I'll never do it again
With my next boy
He'll be nothing like my ex-boy
It was a painful dance
And I got a second chance

Oh, a beautiful face
And a wicked way
And I'm paying for his beautiful face
Everyday
All that work
Over so much time
If I think too hard
I might lose my mind

Oh my next boy
Will be nothing like my ex-boy
I made mistakes back then
I'll never do it again
With my next boy
He'll be nothing like my ex-boy
It was a painful dance
And I got a second chance

Oh my next boy

My next boy

its time.

I am saying goodbye to Meriliberia for just a while.
Hopping on another ship.
I might be back though.

You can click on the link below only if you want. I have two blogs now and feel quite bloggerific. Checking my blog, writing on my blog, updating my old and new blogs... wondering whose blog to follow. Its a blogging world out there folks. Dont be left behind. Im in cambodia now for a while, so Im bloggin about that. Heck..I might eventually start another blog about my life in Alaska...
call it: My life in a (b)log cabin
hahahaaaa
okayyy im done.

http://ode2joy.tumblr.com/

This is for Mama Bev

My time here started out with a bang! a clang a clash a crash a motion... of emotions.
Learned quick from Kendell better not be late to devotions

Ma Bev took me under her wing... showed me the ropes. I was her intern daughta
then I got handed off to Taya, building BSF's.. learning all bout da clean wata

The days rolled by like clouds in the wind of the sky we try, we lie, we cry, we shine, we light
MMMMMM and girls! best not be out past mid-night!

I was taught quick the roads of the jungle, the taste of cassava. I was filled in with the things I lack. Eliz would say it was so good to be done with four weeks doing assessment of impact

I watched girls grow like seeds from the ground, like petals on a rose, they tossed they turned like diamonds once burned.. but from ashes and dust, dirt to the touch, they are beautiful. They are whole. They are no longer alone.
Jesus let me see this healing in the wonderful Think Home.

I learned responsibility. I tried to practice positivity. Erred on the side of optimism, avoiding sarcasm (yeaaah right)... hopping on the train of surrender relying on God to be the meander. Jacob wasn't a car crash, just a fender bender ;)

I'll crave zaa zaa's muffins in the morn', the way tito the driver got me my burnt corn, oh the corn, hit the horn, I'm forlorn... they way my clothes and shoes grow moss. what do those white stripes of the flag mean again? Oh yeah, rice and sauce

I was on fire with the highs but down hearted with the dips. I had sorrow in my throat and tried to keep jesus on my lips.
Some though could call meh creepy, a little bit weepy... when I dance I get leapy. Yes of course I watch Joni sleepy and showed Danielle how to shee peee

I cant forget this place or the space, running this race, feeling alone feeling at peace. I grew up, I threw up.... the old self. Now I'm new. Now I'm better. It took burying the chest to find the treasure

Some women here said I was FAT-O! I like to say stalky, hearty, plump, maybe chunky? I'll miss everything about these five months, even being a skud monkey

So I want to say thank you. For making every day new giving me something to chew, something to do, someone to be, finding out who... I AM. You stood by me when I was healthy and when I was sick. Fever, head cold, sore throat, runny tummy, heck! malaria, probably diphtheria...
But you stayed right there.. so THANK YOU. Dont forget about me SP LIBERIA

YupDate

Africa is no longer where my physical body is, but its still in my blood. My heart is still there.

I departed in a whirlwind on August 13th... Friday the 13th to be exact. I didn't cry because I didn't have time too. I didn't have time for my heart and mind to touch bases. They had been doing different things lately. I hadn't prepared myself to leave at all. It was just another day, and that's what it felt like as I was driven to the airport.
I'm hoping soon it will all set in... and I can process everything, work through what I saw and learned.... and let Liberia really get into my bones instead of just sit on my skin.

The weeks before I left Liberia I was out in villages doing VBS and follow-up. Back to back to back. I came home to Monrovia for two days, was able to pack, see some people and jump in the ocean one last time. Then out again to play with black babiesssss and teach them more about God and Jesus again up until the day before I left for America.
Danielle (new intern and new dear friend) and I bathed out in the moonlight most nights during vbs. The women in the village would heat up water for us and we'd take it in a bucket back behind the jungles arms and let loose with a bar of soap. Some of the closest moments I had with God was when I was stark nude bathing under all of His glory...and not in mine. The stars splashed the sky...no street lights, no tall buildings, no airplanes flying high above. Just the raw open black lid. As I would shower little glow lightening bugs would come dance around me while I was washing the day off. I loved them....they lit up my area so I could see better! I would sing most of the time during this euphoria... out into the night sky... all I wanted to do was sing. All I wanted to do was thank Jesus for just being alive.

We got a chance to hike up to this magnificent thundering waterfall during my last week in one of the villages!! I have a video of it I am trying to load. Hopefully it works

waving my hands like: YEAH

life has been insane. in. the. membrane.


INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE



I am just saying hello. I am running out the door to go do VBS in a village called Moramu. We tried to go there last week but the roads were so flooded we couldn't make it.

The roads are still flooded today as I type this.
But we are going to make it.

We are hiking in!!! Through the rough terrain,and snarled branches... along side the slippery snakes and hairy muulrats. Yes, wild African muulrats. They exist. With hair thick as mud and teeth sharp as Edward Cullen.
Our motto: We kill them before they can kill us.

I am excited. After this village we head straight to another community called Gbangata. I dont think I spelled that correctly at all. But sound it out, the G is silent.
We will be there til Sunday then the helicopter is picking us up. I come back to Monrovia for one week to debrief, pack up, and say goodbye to Liberia. Raise your hand if you want to throw up your own lungs...?
Oh. Me. Hands up in the air. Mehhh
I am very sad and I would say confidently I am not ready to leave yet. But this is the end.

Welp. My ride is here. Lots more to blogget about! Including that one time I got worms and they came out of my own skin.
YAy

Tootles.

failed.

The video did not load... obvioooooously.
But I tried and triiiiiiied!!
The internet is just not strong enough.

Instead I will just put up some pictures of me and the girls the night we filmed.
Not as good as a video but it will portray who I have been hanging out with lately and also a glimpse of
their cuteness.

Noodles

I'm frustrated.

This is my 6th attempt at 'blogging'.
I've tried desperately to update you, my lovies, but I'v either lost internet or lost power each time. And because my computer is the best computer in the universe it dies 45 seconds after power is cut off from it, so I have blogged... lost power... and therefore lost my bloggin' words

but alas! I have power and internet and I am trying at this one last time. If I lose this entry though.. say goodbye to meriliberia...... FOOOR evvvvvvvvv verrr (said like squints on sandlot)

So here at S.P. Liberia we have a helicopter, and that helicopter has a pilot and that pilot has a wife and that wife birthed 4 kids. This team of 6 makes up the Spencer Family and they are pretty great. They just departed 2 weeks ago for some time off in the states. Believe it or not they are from Cincinnati Ohio... which is a place that is dear to me and where I spent much of my time during the past 3 years of my life. Their kids are adorable. They didn't really have kids actually, they had little puppies and kitties and bunnies for offspring. Sometimes their youngest daughter was so cute I had to leave the room. I liked them all very much and we had fun together. They invited me over to play with the cutes from time to time and for dinner. One night, in honor of our mutual feelings for Cincinnati, they made me sky line chili. I almost cried as the smell of it was wafting through the air. It was a familiar smell and made me feel like a piece of my past was giving me a hug.
One night they invited me over and we watched The Sound Of Music!! That is one of my all time favorite films. I think it has inspired many a' dress or shirt or skirt made out of old curtains or pillow cases (ginger) in mine and my sisters lives. After the movie was over I think we danced around the house and sang for a good 30 minutes before Mr. and Mrs. Spencer had to come rally the little fluffs to get them to settle down and go to sleeeeep.
So I wanted to put up this video. Its of me and the three spencer girls and they are hilarious and cool. We made the video one night after a crocheting party. We crocheted a beanie!

Oh and the first week of VBS went incredibly well. I will definitely be writing more about it soon. Like tomorrow. Now we are in our second week of VBS so you can still be praying for THAT!
I think I discovered that I dont really like children and they dont really like me... or just that they dont like puppets and it makes them scared... and I dont like telling them to be quiet. I just like getting them excited and hyper but then calming them again is no fun.
These kids though... in the video. I like them. Go ahead and watch.

Oxy gen.

Life is weird.

It’s up and down.. you know? it’s to the side, is crooked .. it’s to and fro. You make it, you fake it, you shake and bake it. A few days and your heart can feel great, your mind is at rest and you feel like around every corner Jesus will be there to give you a hug.

Then some weeks you fail, and fall down and mess up and quite frankly life just hurts.

I am a piece of drift wood on a stormy day in the ocean. I drift between these two worlds.

I am jacks bleeding esophagus.

I am jacks thrown up yogurt parfait.

Consistency is something in my life I always long for, always wish I had. But if I had it would I get bored? No. But I think I would. Which tells me maybe I should grow up. There are exciting elements to not having a routine life, but in matters like reading the bible, praying… growing… perhaps eating healthy and staying in contact with those I love… I could most certainly use a leg up in the climbing of the consistency tree.

For the past few weeks since I was out in the jungle for a month, I have been under the supervision of lovely Elizabeth. She is Project manager for Program Development. She is the brilliant lobe who wrote the impact assessment and trained all of the numerators and myself. She is a mover and a shaker. She’s is also quite fun and loving and caring. I learn a lot from her. We hang out very much outside of work and it’s very nice. I have been able to be her secretary these few weeks. When she leaves for meetings during the day in town, I organized her desk a little bit, run make copies, arrange for quick meetings and drink the rest of her coffee.

A new intern comes in 3 days and to be honest I already don’t like her. What? I’m just kidding. But seriously. What if she is really cool and people like her better than me? No I’m not serious. I’m excited for her to come. She just better not be cool, or funny, or good looking.

Totally kidding. Noooot really

Her (new intern) and I for the month of July and my last weeks in August will be running VACATION BIBLE SCHOOL! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLES UGLY WET MOUTH. The philistines are upon us and I am not excited about it. And by philistines I mean rainy season. When it rains here, it waterfalls. You can’t walk out of your house in it without feeling like you just tried surfing for the first time. You are soaked and sad. So new intern and I will be upcountry and out in villages for 9 weeks playing with kids and telling them about Jesus in gross conditions. But who really cares. I get to tell kids they are loved and play games with them and act like a child. It will be great. I’m working on the curriculum for it now… brainstorming inventive ideas… how to make these kids ‘get it’ but not just understand in their minds about Jesus, but in their hearts. I’m thinking lots of skits and puppet shows. And candy!! And hugs!!

I was deemed Project Manager over VBS 2010 which made me nervous… nervous where my entire insides were attacked with waves of anxious lizard tales that tingle with the force of a thousand tooth fairy prickles…

Yet it also gave me a sense of worth and significance as far as leadership goes here at sp. I’ve been just the ‘intern’ for 3 months now… taking orders… taken numbers. Now though I get to oversee a project… make some key decisions… and feel needed.

VBS is taken quite seriously here actually, as it should. Satan hates it. The devil wants to destroy the efforts and the love the VBS team wants to put into these kids all over this country. Telling the younger generations about a powerful God and seeing life changes is the best thing we can do for the foundation of Liberia and its potential rising leaders! So of course these labors will be met with stronger opposition than I think we understand. I know the team of 2009 faced many scary spiritual warfare type situations out in the villages, where they felt very oppressed and could sense a greater evil trying to destroy any and all of their work with the kids. So VBS Liberia 2010 definitely needs some prayer. I want to piss Satan off. I want him to try and ruin things, I just want to be prepared when he tries. I am fighting for a great power here and have confidence in that victory. We just need to be soldiers along the way and not be discouraged. So if you want too, go ahead and pray for our team. It will help.

Anyone else watching The World Cup? Anyone else think that they saw some cuties on the Japan team Monday night?!!?

Today I am catching Mexico vs France.

Yo quiero taco bellllllllll! No but seriously